Danny's Dozens

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	4/30/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 737 humans. Whoops, 740. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Tomorrow May 1st marks one year since the war in Iraq was declared over, Mission Accomplished! Now in today's news. George Bush, President and Commander-In-Chief said, "I share a deep disgust that those prisoners were treated the way they were treated. Their treatment does not reflect the nature of the American people. That's not the way we do things in America." MacDries says, "No? But apparently we do such things in foreign countries."
	4/29/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 737 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Wedded Bliss A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted. Straight Shooters WASHINGTON, April 27 - The White House said on Tuesday that there would be no recording or formal transcription of the historic joint interview of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney by the independent commission investigating the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. The interview, to begin at 9:30 a.m. on Thursday at the White House, will be recorded by two note takers, one from the White House. Under a pact with the White House that allowed all its 10 members in the interview, the commission is permitted to take a note taker, but not a recording device. The panel said it did not press for a formal transcription of the session, letting the White House decide. The White House has been asked repeatedly why Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney find it necessary to appear together before the panel; why they will not testify under oath, and why no transcript will be made. Busted!!!! On April 22, Ronald Langdale, 59, told a teller at the Bank of America in Huntington Beach, CA that he had a weapon and wanted cash. It is not revealed how much Langdale stole, but he fled the bank on foot. Ronnie didn't go very far. Minutes later he entered Mario's Restaurant in the same strip mall, slapped down a $5 bill and ordered a Budweiser draft. Langdale had only taken a few sips from his beer and was counting his loot when police busted him without a struggle. MacDries says, "I woulda sprung for a Beck's but other than that it was a clean job for a thirsty man. Hope he got to finish his draft."
	4/28/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 725 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. All Things Dick Go HERE for all things Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney. Only a Pacemaker away from Condi. Mr. Sensitive "He was always a dreamer, but back then his dreams were more focused on himself. Today, they are focused on 36 million Californians."-- Maria Shriver
	4/27/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 722 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. You Go Boy! "If George Bush wants to ask me questions about that through his surrogates, he owes America an explanation about whether or not he showed up for duty in the National Guard. Prove it... I'm not going to stand around and let them play games." Sen. John Kerry Silly Mnemonic i before e except after c (exceptions) neighbor sleigh neither either freight sleight height weight feint heinous vein veinous heir foreign 24 & Going Strong
	4/26/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 721 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Karen Hughes Is Back! What would Bush do without her keen understanding mind? Did she serve in the Army or Navy? "I can understand if out of conscience you take a principled stand and you would decide that you were so opposed to this that you would actually throw your medals. But to pretend to do so, I think that's very revealing. Karen Hughes "This comes from a president who can't even show or prove that he showed up for duty in the National Guard. Sen. John Kerry Watch The Video HERE Latest Painting Fem In Me (for Ann) 20" x 32" 4-26-04
	4/25/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 708 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Where Is The Shrub Praying Today? 3 Signed Christos For Sale Plus another Christo Running Fence. $200 each. Jasper Johns print. Ad Reinhardt silkscreen. Kiki Smith woodblock.
	4/24/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 707 humans. Whoops, 708. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. And most of the dead never even played in the NFL. On 2nd Thought A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough! I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers inTuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies. The No CARB Diet 2004 NO C-heney NO A-shcroft NO R-umsfeld NO B-ush and Absolutely NO RICE!
	4/23/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 707 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Air Force Can You can't. Gloria Steinem Is 70 I feel old. I remember when someone said Steinem looked pretty good for 40 and Gloria said, "This is what 40 looks like."
	4/22/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 705 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Japanties (printed, not sheer) Oh, those stylish Japanese. Can't wait for the mens' (Comando) version. How Many Do You Pay? Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax Capital Gains Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Court Fines Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel permit tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money) Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties) Liquor Tax Local Income Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Septic Permit Tax Service Charge Taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Taxes Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax Road Toll Booth Taxes School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax Telephone federal excise tax Telephone federal universal service fee tax Telephone federal, State and Local surcharge taxes Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax Telephone state and local tax Telephone usage charge tax Toll Bridge Taxes Toll Tunnel Taxes Traffic Fines Trailer registration tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax
	4/21/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 702 humans as of April 20, 2004. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. Loose Bulb or Dim Cannon? WASHINGTON -- Rep. John Hostettler, R-Indiana, "completely forgot" he had a loaded 9 mm Glock pistol in his bag at Louisville International Airport as he prepared to take a US Airways flight to Washington. A spokesman for the congressman said Hostettler is an avid sportsman and "hunts lots of things* and does target practice". MacDries hopes that some of the "things" does not include humans. Don't Assume* An 80 year old man goes to a doctor for a checkup. The doctor is amazed at his shape. "To what do you attribute your good health?" "I'm a turkey hunter and that is why I'm in good shape. Get up before daylight, chase turkeys up and down mountains." The doctor says, "well, I'm sure it helps but there have to be genetic factors. How old was your dad when he died?" "Who says my dad is dead?" "You're 80 years old and your dad is alive? How old is he?" "Dad is 100. In fact, he went hunting with me this morning." "What about your dad's dad, how old was he when he died? "Who says my grandpa is dead?" "You are 80 years old and your grandfather is still living? How old is he?" "118". "I suppose you're going to tell me he went hunting this morning too?" "No, he got married." The doctor looks at the man in amazement. "Got married? Why would an 118 year old guy want to get married?" The old timer answers, "who says he wanted to?"
	4/20/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 702 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. There have been 805 "coalition" deaths, 702 Americans, 59 Britons, 5 Bulgarians, 1 Dane, 1 Estonian, 17 Italians, 2 Poles, 1 Salvadoran, 11 Spaniards, 2 Thai and 5 Ukrainians, in the war as of April 19, 2004. No one seems to be keeping a tally on Iraqis. Spaced Out? Cell phone stolen, Spacey said, "I got taken by the oldest con going." Asked what he was doing in the park at 4 a.m. Spacey said: "You know walking your dog in the park is a perfectly normal thing to do, but you know I think that they are always trying to, (say) you know, 'What was he doing in that park at 4.30 a.m.?' My doggy had to go!" MacDries: Don't you mean newest con, Kevin? Or do you mean oldest profession?
	4/19/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq is 702 humans. Click HERE for the latest updates. Americans are not the only ones to have been killed. There have been 805 coalition deaths, 702 Americans, 59 Britons, 5 Bulgarians, 1 Dane, 1 Estonian, 17 Italians, 2 Poles, 1 Salvadoran, 11 Spaniards, 2 Thai and 5 Ukrainians, in the war as of April 19, 2004. No one seems to be keeping a tally on Iraqis. Latest Painting Missing Peace - 17.5" x 32.75" 4-19-04 A Little Levity From A Canadian Named Isobel On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. Thank you. Politics 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
	4/18/04 - U.S. Death Toll in Iraq - 700 Here Puppy Puppy* CHARLOTTE, North Carolina (AP) -- An 8-year-old boy was mauled to death by his father's four pit bulls, and prosecutors were considering charges against the father ranging from child neglect to murder. Roddie Philip Dumas Jr. was attacked in the fenced-in yard of his father's home Friday. Neighbors and a postal worker who heard the boy's screams rushed to the scene. The boy's father, Roddie Philip Dumas Sr., 29, and his girlfriend, were inside the house but did not come outside until the dogs had already severely injured the boy, officials said. "One had him on his neck. Two had him on the side. And one had him on the leg," said Edward Threatt, a neighbor. "They were pulling on him just like you do a rag doll." A letter carrier threw his mailbag and then a wooden block at the dogs, which then ran away, Threatt said. But neighbors and police said the father then came outside and told the letter carrier to get off his property. The boy was taken to a hospital, where he died. After searching Dumas' home, police charged him with drug and firearms felonies. MacDries calls for pet-lovers to unite before these cute little beasts are outlawed. Boys & Toys The President of Vice, Dick Cheney, accepts a rifle from NRA President Kayne Robinson, right, and NRA Vice President Wayne R. LaPierre. Earlier in the day, Tom Mauser, whose son, Daniel, was killed with an assault weapon in the Columbine High School killings five years ago, tried to enter the convention hall where the NRA was meeting, seeking to urge Cheney to support extending the assault weapons ban. Mauser was turned away by a security guard as several conventioneers applauded. A couple of conventioneers yelled "Get a life" and "Vote for Bush."
	4/17/04 1 Year Later It's been one year since young Ali Abbas was confined to a hospital bed in Baghdad, where he cried over the loss of his arms and nearly his entire family. Ali Abbas uses his feet to play video games. Doctors say* the Iraqi boy has made amazing progress. (ABCNEWS.com) MacDries says, "Bet he still has a little trouble eating." Featured Artist: Les Krims* Go HERE to see the work of an old buddy from graduate school. Public Art In Williamsburg, NY Go HERE.
	4/16/04 The Beatles (Briefly) & Bob Dylan Click HERE for the latest music memoirs. Visit Bob Dylan HERE. A Womans' Right To Choose Americans from across the country will converge on the National Mall to stand together and show that we will not let politicians get in the middle of decisions between a woman and her doctor. Join Howard Dean & Kate Michelman and represent the Democracy for America grassroots in Washington, D.C. on the 25th: Go HERE to view a video. Dear President Bush: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them... 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. A Concerned Christian American Excuse Me?* The White House may pre-empt the Sept. 11 panel's final report by creating a new post of director of national intelligence. MacDries says, "Just what are The Central Intelligeence Agency, The Federal Bureau of Investigation and The Department of Homeland Security????"
	4/15/04 The Disease That Dares To Speak Its Name* "Now (that I'm getting paid) It Can Be Told." Dick Clark, renowned as "America's oldest teenager," has diabetes. Clark, 74, has had type 2 diabetes, formerly called adult-onset diabetes, since 1994, but kept it a secret from everyone except close friends and family, according to the Ogilvy public relations firm, which is promoting his new role as a spokesman for the American Association of Diabetes Educators and the pharmaceutical maker Merck & Co. * MacDries says, he shares your pain Dick, and feels empowered to reveal he is Type 2 as well. It's a big load off his chest. Struggle on brother and keep rockin'. Well, S!* I didn't know this but... In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything was transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T" (SHIP HIGH IN TRANSIT) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. * MacDries doesn't know if this is apocryphal or not but it's a good story. Photo Mosaic Of Soldiers Killed In Iraq** Go HERE.
	4/14/04 Featured Artist: Michael Jantzen Go HERE. Puerto Rico Pix Go HERE. Family Members Go HERE. 4/14/1865 Go HERE for a This Day In History Lesson. Remember The Trojan Room Coffee Machine? THIS was a popular site back in the days of Netscape 0.9, when Marc Andressen was not yet a Captialist Pig. And Speaking Of PIGS President Bush today endorsed Israel's plan to "withdraw" from Gaza and "parts" of the West Bank. Bush also embraced Sharon's position that Palestinian refugees would be allowed to return to a negotiated Palestinian state but not to Israel.
	4/13/04 Feed Hungry Children FREE You can feed the hungry, support breast cancer research, save endangered children, all at no cost to you. Just a few clicks on The Hunger Site help. Visit it daily and click. Go HERE and Bookmark it. New Poem by Emma* You left Again Jean jacket Fading away Into the rain Holding my breath Not wanting your silhouette to disappear And then you were back Time seemed to rewind To before you got mad Before the fight Before you began it Before I began it I always knew you were moody But not like this Happiness Seeming too good to be true Am I dreaming? But it was different Your happiness was in your smile Eyes, cold and grey Too distant Not the glowing blue ones I thought I knew And when you smiled There was awkwardness in the air I was chilly No warmth issued from you anymore So please Leave Only come back When I won't be cold * More Poems by Emma Don't Mess With The Woman A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"). "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," he said as he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!!
	4/12/04 Air America Radio Liberals get a sense of humor and take back the air waves. Listen to Al Franken & Janeane Garafalo HERE. All Things Liberal Visit Liberal Oasis HERE. Where the Left is RIGHT and the Right is WRONG. The Year Of The Horse Emma has written a paper on her love of horses. Download pdf. file Neil Young did a pretty damn good version as well.
	Easter Sunday Hear Ye, Hear Yo! Mel & The Shrub's Lord Is Risen Cowboy Christian The Shrub is kneeling in prayer, celebrating Easter at Fort Hood, where dozens of troops wounded in Iraq recently returned. Whuzzup with you? One Year & Mission Still Accomplished Go HERE for a look at the past month in Iraq.
	4/10/04 Happy Birthday Leslie Carr 1 Pic = 1000 Words Warning: StrangeCosmos is a relatively Smutty non-PC Site Sukanya Rahman's 2nd Act Visit her HERE Puerto Rico Wrap-Up Continental Airline Sucks. Surf, beaches and landscape are all beautiful. Architecture exemplifies a huge poverty of spirit. Food is horrible; cuisine is non-existent. Salsa is a mediocre condiment and is worse as music.
	4/9/04 Back From Puerto Rico... ...as promised but burned out from flying Continental Airlines. Won't do that again. More tomorrow.
	4/3/04 Gone Surfing We will be back online on Friday 4-09-04. Check out the archives in the interim. Oh, yeah, in case you're thinking of burgling us while we're gone, you should know we've loosed a few cobras in the loft as precaution. How To Google-6 Google can track your flight. Type in a flight number such as Co 112 and it will return a link to Travelocity. Uncurious George Click HERE
	4/2/04 4 New Poems By Emma Derry Dries Click HERE Think You've Seen Ice Sculptures? Click HERE
	April Fools Day Beware Of Emma All Day Surprise Item Click HERE How To Google-5 Google is an atlas. Type in an area code, like 212, or a zip code, like 10010 to see a Mapquest map of the area. Mission Still Accomplished Especially for 4 more mercenaries.
	For The Latest Dries Art GO HERE For The Latest CyberToonz GO HERE I've never actually watched an episode of The Simpsons (I'm more of a Pixar kind of guy) butt... *Dislaimer Go To: MacDries Design Your # is: